I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my shit smells like andre
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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