Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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