I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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