Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
