I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
