You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
