remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
