I just cut my nipple shaving
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
