Having a random hookup so left but love u
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She announced her abortion via fbk
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
