oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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