omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
