best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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