Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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