from now on my penis is your penis
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
