when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
