Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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