my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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