They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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