I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
