I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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