I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
