Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
BRING THE BAGELS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
