dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
