Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
