You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
