Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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