No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
