i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
