Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
