Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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