Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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