you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
