I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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