Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
