they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
did i walk over a car last night?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
