A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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