My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
