I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
