Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
