but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
