just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
