so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
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