it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
