I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
