He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
