Non-Jews are for practice
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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