I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
