Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drunk is a universal language darling
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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