Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
