omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
