So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
